I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
