we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
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