Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
