did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
