How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
