i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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