Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
