OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
