need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
