Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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