u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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