that's an acceptable place to lick
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
