I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
