how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
