His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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