Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
