When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
