More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
