he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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