So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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