hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
