I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
