i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
