Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
