what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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