wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
