yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
