If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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