AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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