he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
