So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
