i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
