That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
