Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am available for nakedness
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
