I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
