I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
