im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
