guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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