You can't special order awesome
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
