he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you inspire me to be a worse person
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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