Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize