hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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