i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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