so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
