tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
