i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
