remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
