went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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