I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
