hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
