u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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