3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
