I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
