im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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