tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
