It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
