need another drink. this is the easiest way
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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