Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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