I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
