Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
