Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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