I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
